When someone is using technology to monitor, harass, or control you, it can feel like there is no safe place to breathe. You are not alone. There are practical steps you can take to lower risk, protect your information, and create safer ways to connect with support.
This guide offers simple, trauma-informed options you can try at your own pace. Safety comes first. Before making big changes to devices or accounts, consider whether the person might notice and retaliate. An advocate can help you choose the safest timing and approach for your situation.
ACADV advocates provide personalized digital safety checks and safety planning. You can call the Alabama Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-650-6522 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 any time.
What digital safety means
Digital safety means reducing the ways someone can use technology to harm or control you. It includes phone and account security, location settings, safe browsing, spotting stalkerware, and choosing safer ways to communicate. In abusive situations, digital safety is about regaining privacy and control while keeping physical safety at the center.
First, plan for safety before making changes
If an abusive person has a pattern of checking your phone or accounts, sudden changes can raise suspicion. When possible:
- Use a safe device first, such as a public library computer or a trusted friend’s phone.
- Connect with an advocate to plan the order of steps and a safe time to switch settings.
- Keep your current patterns steady until you have a backup plan.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential support and planning, call 1-800-650-6522 in Alabama or 1-800-799-7233 nationally.
Create a safer communication channel
Choose one secure way to connect with an advocate that the abusive person is least likely to notice.
- Consider a new email created on a safe device, with a strong password and no recovery ties to your main phone number or shared accounts.
- If possible, get a low-cost prepaid phone, pay for it with cash, store it safely, and use it only for support contacts.
- Agree on code words with trusted people to signal when you need help or when it is not safe to talk.
Secure your phone and core accounts
Small steps can make a big difference:
- Lock screen: Add a passcode or change it to a new one. Avoid face or fingerprint unlock if the person might force you to use it.
- Account passwords: Change passwords on email, cloud backups, Apple ID, Google, financial apps, and social media from a safe device. Use 12 or more characters with a mix of words, numbers, and symbols.
- Two-step verification: Turn on two-factor authentication (2FA). Use an authenticator app rather than text codes if the person can access your messages.
- Recovery info: Remove shared phone numbers, alternate email addresses, and old devices from the account recovery settings.
- Backups: Review what is being synced to the cloud. Private photos, messages, and location history can be exposed through shared accounts.
Check location and sharing settings
Abusive partners often rely on hidden location access.
- Phone location history: Review and pause or clear Location History, Significant Locations, and Find My sharing if it is safe to do so.
- Apps with location: Check permissions for maps, ride-share, social, and camera apps. Turn off location for apps that do not need it.
- Shared services: Review Family Sharing, Google Family, phone plans, and vehicle telematics. Remove shared access only when it is safe and expected, or do it with an advocate’s support.
Watch for stalkerware red flags
Stalkerware is software used to secretly monitor a device. Warning signs can include:
- Rapid battery drain or unusually high data usage
- Phone running hot or slow without a clear reason
- Settings changed, or the screen lights up on its own
- New admin apps, profiles, or device management you did not add
- The person knows details they could only learn from your device
Do not confront the person about suspected stalkerware. Sudden removal can tip them off. Instead, use a safe device to talk with an advocate about next steps. In some cases it is safer to preserve the device as evidence or to replace it entirely as part of a broader plan. ACADV can help you weigh options, including creating a digital safety plan that fits your situation. If you are near Mobile and want trauma-informed guidance, see trauma-informed safety planning in Mobile.
Safer browsing and private searches
- Use a privacy-focused browser in private mode. Clear history and downloads after sensitive searches.
- Log out of accounts before searching. Consider using a separate browser profile for safety planning.
- Avoid clicking on unknown links sent by the abusive person. They can hide tracking.
- Consider a Virtual Private Network (VPN) on a safe device if it is legal where you live. A VPN can help obscure browsing activity from network observers, but it does not hide activity from a device already infected with spyware.
Documenting abuse safely
Documentation can help with safety planning, legal protection orders, or workplace accommodations.
- Save texts, call logs, emails, and voicemails. Take screenshots when safe.
- Store copies in a secure cloud folder tied to your safe email, or on an external drive kept in a safe place.
- Keep a simple incident log with dates, times, what happened, and any witnesses. Use code words if you worry the notes could be found.
- Talk with an advocate or with Legal Services Alabama about how to safely store and share documentation for your needs.
Build a personalized digital safety plan with ACADV
Every situation is different. ACADV advocates can help you:
- Choose safe steps and timing
- Set up a separate, secure communication channel
- Review devices for risks and adjust settings
- Plan for co-parenting exchanges, court dates, and travel
If you are in North Alabama and need immediate planning support, learn how 24/7 crisis support in Huntsville connects you with crisis intervention and safety planning services. If you live in or near Mobile and want a printable checklist with hotline numbers, see our mobile printable safety plan toolkit.
Quick golden rules of digital safety
- Safety first, timing matters. Plan changes so they go unnoticed.
- Use a safe device to set up new accounts and communication.
- Secure the basics: lock screen, passwords, 2FA, recovery info.
- Limit location sharing and review shared services.
- Do not remove suspected spyware without a plan.
- Document abuse in a way you can keep safe.
- Stay connected with an advocate for ongoing support.
FAQ
What is digital safety? It is the practice of protecting your privacy, accounts, devices, and location from misuse. In abuse, it means choosing steps that reduce risk without increasing danger.
How can I ensure digital safety? Start with a plan. Use a safe device, secure core accounts with strong passwords and 2FA, limit location sharing, and set up a separate way to talk with an advocate. Adjust steps based on your safety needs.
What are examples of digital safety? Changing your Apple ID or Google password from a safe device, turning off social media location tags, reviewing Family Sharing access, and saving evidence in a secure folder are all examples.
What are the golden rules? Plan first, secure accounts, control location, avoid sudden changes that could be noticed, document safely, and stay connected with an advocate.
What is one example in practice? Creating a new email on a library computer, enabling 2FA with an authenticator app, and using that email to coordinate with an advocate while you prepare other changes.
How ACADV can help
ACADV offers survivor-centered, confidential support across Alabama. Advocates work with you to build a personalized plan whether you choose to stay, leave, or explore your choices. To talk through options or request a digital safety check:
- Alabama Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-650-6522
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- ACADV: (334) 832-4842 or info@acadv.org
Summary and next steps
Digital safety is about control, privacy, and timing. Start with a safe way to communicate, secure key accounts, limit location sharing, and document safely. When you are ready, connect with an ACADV advocate to build a plan that fits your situation. You do not have to do this alone.